Book Summary: 

When I was nineteen years old, just a kid, I got married for the wrong reason. Obligation. Obligation to my family and obligation to my unborn child.

I can’t regret it because I have my three incredible sons who I love more than anything in this world, including myself.

They wanted for nothing, and I watched them grow into the amazing young men they all are. I got to watch them all fall madly in love and choose their life partners. Not out of obligation, but out of pure love.

I even got to watch my wonderful ex-husband fall madly in love. It just wasn’t with me. He was never in love with me. In all fairness, I was never in love with him either.

I became everyone’s project. Everyone wanted to fix me up with their son, their brother, their friend, their neighbor, their co-worker, their father.

No one cared what I wanted. Frankly, I wasn’t always sure what I wanted. I was never given the time when I was younger to figure out what it was I wanted in a partner.

One-hundred and eighteen first dates. After my divorce, I went on one-hundred and eighteen first dates before I figured out what I wanted and who I wanted it with.

It took a marriage, a divorce, and one-hundred and eighteen first dates to fall in love for the first time in my life. I finally found everything I never knew I was looking for. The man that made me feel things I’d never felt.

That’s supposed to be when happily ever after kicks in, right?

It took me fifty-two years to find that man. I shouldn’t have expected things to come that easily. Falling in love with him was the easy part. It’s everything that came after that was hard.

I’m Melissa Knight. This is my love story (it’s about damn time).

 My Review:

The record still stands with AK Landow’s books. 5 books, all finished within 24 hours – no matter what is going on in my life. I don’t know what it is about her writing but when I step into her stories, everything around me stops. I have to know what happens next! Her books take on a life of their own, so much energy, so much excitement, and I never miss an opportunity to hang with “the Brady Bunch”. This time around, we focused on the matriarch of the family – the one we have watched on the sidelines. Finally, we get to know who Melissa Knight is and what she is made of.

Three beautiful sons, two daughters in laws, grandchildren, and a loving ex-husband that kept his promise, giving her a life where she would never need or want. What else could a person possibly want? LOVE, that’s what! Melissa has watched Jackson fall in love with Darian and be someone she never saw in her own marriage. Make no mistake, she doesn’t blame Jackson for what their marriage had become. She was never in love with him but pregnant at the age of 19, they did what they thought was best for their unborn child. She has also watched that child and her twins grow up into gorgeous men – inside and out, and find the loves of their lives. She just wanted her turn. When would she find that breathtaking, heart-stopping, life changing love that she sees all around her! Date after fixed up date, internet date after failed meet-up, Melissa has all but given up hope until one brief escape leads her to an encounter that would change everything she has ever known about herself. One hundred and eighteen first dates, that’s how long it took before Melissa could finally begin writing her epic love story.

For four books, we have learned bits and pieces about Melissa, it was so interesting to be inside her head. As the reader, you imagine she is everything Darian is not which is why things didn’t work out with Jackson. I was surprised to learn how much Jackson did love her or at least tried to love her but was fighting a losing battle. Even if Melissa had never gotten pregnant, we learn through a mirrored chance that Jackson still wouldn’t have been the right man for her. Now, her type – that was a shocker! Declan was…wow! I am with Melissa, I normally can’t tolerate the alpha male type but somehow Declan weirdly balanced the alpha male and super nice guy roles. He really was an unpredictable enigma which kept you laser focus on his antics and what else he had up his sleeve.

I am completely floored by AK’s ability to somehow keep the stories fresh and surprising. When Declan walked in and thought Haley was Darian, I had assumed it was because he was one of Scott’s old friends. Never in a million years would have thought the “family” was Scott being his brother. That whole scene was a confusion of feeling. I remember going “Ha! Ha! Ohhh!” and placing my hand over my mouth in sheer shock! Of course Reagan being Reagan tipped the scene to a more comical level. I did think it was hypocritical that Declan didn’t care for how Brody treated Haley (in terms of the aggression of his affection) and agreed with Melissa that he needed to check himself since he was the same way with her.

As for the spice in this book, come on – it’s an AK Landow book – of course it was hot! Declan’s take charge attitude and constantly pushing Melissa’s boundaries is what made it even hotter. I honestly can’t pick a favorite scene this time because they were all simply perfection but force my hand and I would probably say the photo session although what went down on the rooftop would be a close second.

Back to the characters, Declan was constantly haunted by the demons of his past. Through that, his mission was to prove he was enough – to Jade, to Melissa, to Amanda – mainly because he couldn’t prove it to the one person who needed to see how far he had come from the screw up he was, his brother Scott. The problem with that inability to be forgiven by Scott would always carry a dark cloud of self doubt and self-harm, he would never feel like he was a enough and would push away anyone when he thought he was failing them, like he failed Scott. He convinced himself he never wanted to cause anyone else the type of pain he caused his brother. I say all of this because despite all the success he had in his life, Jade’s love, Melissa’s love, Amanda’s trust, a successful career – his inner voice still flooded his body and soul with pain and blame. This speaks volumes to the need for proper care when it comes to mental health – no one but a trained professional would have been able to reach the depths of despair where Declan wallowed. Yes, Scott’s letter helps but for some, forgiveness from those you have wrong is not available but pushing down, hiding from, or ignoring the pain is only delaying the inevitable – in his case, a downward spiral that lead to a relapse being the only possible answer to protecting those he loved.

The inward look at the pain he carried and how he defined himself was eye-opening. This is the first time I have read anything that dealt with drug addiction and the fact that he was insistent on saying he “is an addict” not “was” and why it was phrased that way was something to notate. His mental health state also explained why he chose the path he did, not because he cared about drugs more than his family, but because he was trying to numb the pain from the hurt he caused. He kept saying what he did was unforgivable and once you learn the story, you can see why and the compound interest that had on his psyche, especially after Scott’s death. Put in the seven years he loss being there for his daughter and you quickly agree with Melissa that Freddie wasn’t enough! I was scared right along with Melissa and Darian when they found him. I didn’t want to believe he would do something to hurt himself in order to protect the people he loved but it goes to show much we can convince ourselves of something, no matter what the people around us say.

It is rare for an author to be five books deep and each one is better than the last. AK not only accomplished that feat but has an entire spin-off series that continues to highlight just how talented she is! I cannot gush over this author enough! Her books are absolutely incredible in every way and I plan on reading each and every one of them.